Seems like there is no special day for rejection anymore. Originally Friday was the day I dreaded hearing from anyone about a job; now I can add Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays to that group, leaving me with just Tuesdays for no bad news.
Today I heard from the gaming company. I emailed them on Friday as I hadn’t heard anything for a while and wondered if they’d made their decision. It seems that rather than ripping the plaster off and making it painless enough that I had a whole weekend to come to terms with yet another rejection, he wanted to call me and tell me that they’d gone with someone else. In fact, HR arranged a call with me for this morning, and then finally called at 14.15 (nearly four hours later). They could have sent an email, a simple “Thank you for coming to interview with us, you were a strong candidate but we have given the role to someone else. Good luck with your endeavours.” Really, it’s that easy (believe me I have seen enough of them of late)…but instead I was told “I’ll call you Monday…” and spend the entire weekend thinking “maybe it’s good news, why would they call otherwise?”
Of course, when he called I got some misguided attempt at making me feel better about being told “we don’t want you…” again. Why does anyone think that “sorry, you didn’t get the job,” is going to be something you want to hear on the phone? And more than that, you’ll be happy that you waited all weekend to hear it? I really would rather that they’d send an email. I could just read it, delete it, and move on. Hearing the empty platitudes “we’ll keep you on file,” “we’ll be looking again in a year” (if I am still looking at that point someone please shoot me, mostly because I will either be living in a hostel, or with my mother) and “if I think of anything I will let you know….” Someone save me from the bullshit that seems to be implanted in HR people at birth. Apparently, it came down to me and one other person, but this person just happened to have previous experience. I get it, I really do, but that doesn’t make it any easier to cope with.
I have had my angry moments (see the rest of this post for the ranting), and I’ve had a little bit of a cry (okay, I put Dawson to shame), and decided that I have had enough for today. If I am being honest, I think I have had enough for a lifetime and would quite happily just bury myself in my bed and come out to go to the bathroom only, but I can’t do that, I have to keep on going, however much it pains me that for some reason I have been hit with the “unemployable” stick and just keep on getting REJECTED. The problem is, the longer I am unemployed, the worse this unemployable situation becomes; given a choice between someone you think may have been sitting on their arse for six-months and someone who’s taken a day off from their long-term job, who would you employ?
Right at this moment I feel useless, unnecessary and completely unsure of my next move. I don’t want to look anymore, I can’t face the endless pages of jobs that don’t pay enough to live on, jobs that are so far away you’d spend your entire salary getting there (and hours on a crappy train), or worse, jobs that you quite like the look of and apply for, only to get not even an acknowledgement that you’ve spent an hour reading through the job description, writing a carefully worded cover letter, and redesigned your entire CV just in the hope they’ll see it.
I am tired, no, make that exhausted, my will to live is slowly fading into nonexistence and I don’t care, or perhaps the problem is that I care too much.
Sorry, this has been a depressed post brought to you by the letter R, the word Rejection and the mood Revolted.